SAGGY BOOBS MATTER

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SAGGY BOOBS MATTER

Photo credit: Seyi

My body matured faster than my mind did. I never got the opportunity to celebrate my teenage body because I was too busy picking it apart and condemning it, even though it was doing its best. If I could go back in time, I'd make peace with my spirit sack but the past can't be changed. Although, our perspectives can change and that's exactly what I had to do to arrive at a place of peace within my body.

First of all, women do not exist for the consumption of men. Biologically, our bodies are built for babies. Babies don't care about how perky your boobs are; they just wanna be fed. Men aren't and will never be in a position to tell women 'how to be a woman'. Impressing men isn't even a goal worth making. As long as you have a female reproductive organ, men (cis-het) will naturally be drawn to you anyway. Nature doesn't recognise beauty standards. There is literally no wrong way to be a woman. There is literally no wrong way to have a body as long as your body is functioning well enough to keep you alive.

When I'm wearing an outfit without a bra, I often get stares from people so trapped in their own insecurities that the sight of someone else taking charge of their body intimidates them. Majority of the time, people's problems with you are an extension of their problems with themselves. It's hard enough, trying to silence the voice in your head telling you that you will never be good enough so why make room for an external voice that will only amplify that self-hating voice?

Due to under-representation of saggy-looking boobs in the media, we are all taught that there's only one way to be beautiful and that includes having super perky boobs. But majority of these films, campaigns and music videos are directed by men (who a lot of the time, don't even know what they want anyway so why aspire to please an inconsistent person?). If I had seen women with saggy boobs being glorified for their beauty, I wouldn't have developed a complex as a very young teenager. This is exactly why representation is important. The more you see someone who looks like you in positions of success, the more your image is normalised; the less of a spectacle your reflection is; the more comfortable you will be in your body. It is that deep.

If you are having trouble accepting your body, please look at mine and look at how socially unacceptable my boobs are. But also look how bossy, snatched and GLOWY I look! I'm living my best life and my boobs aren't going to stop me from meeting someone amazing. They're literally gland sacks. And they're actually pretty awesome. Shout out to my boobs. 

Saggy boobs matter.

 

Hair extensions: Miyi Hair

Jumpsuit: Motel Rocks

Glasses: Charity shop in Lisbon, Portugal

Shoes: Comme Des Garçons Play x Converse

Belt: Rokit Vintage

 

 

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LETTER TO MY FUTURE SELF

Photo credit: UK Parliament/Jessica Taylor
Photo credit: UK Parliament/Jessica Taylor

 

 

Chidera,

You’re literally living your dream life right now. Remember when they told you it was impossible to do it without them? Remember when you believed them? 

As you type this, you’re on a flight back to London after spending 2 weeks touring the USA with the US Embassy. People keep taking advantage of your kindness but you never fail to remind yourself that they can only treat you as well as they treat themselves. You’re often told that you’re wise beyond your years but it took a lot of pain for you to get here. You’re scared of settling for a mediocre life so you live every single day loudly, fruitfully and proudly. Why? Because we are all dying slowly.

You know what’s the biggest motivation? Leaving ungrateful people behind. There’s no greater teacher than loss. You’ve learnt to be confident enough to walk away from those who find it hard to make room for you. Because in the end, you’ll never miss what’s meant for you.

You’ve decided that you want to stop repeating your toxic traits and instead, start making peace with your past. Less overthinking, more water-drinking. Less cakes, more kale. If you learnt something, it was never a fail. Continue to be kind. Kindness never goes to waste.

This time next year, you’ll be plotting world domination at the dinner table with Michelle Obama. She doesn’t know it yet, but she needs your help.

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WHY A 'REVENGE BODY' WON'T GIVE YOU THE PEACE YOU SEEK

Khloe Kardashian’s ‘Revenge Body’ is a show for fans that’s all about them getting revenge on people who have doubted them during their weight gain. As much as it’s a brilliant incentive to “make our haters our biggest motivators” - as Khloe says in episode 1, it’s just as toxic to transform yourself for someone else.

But this isn’t about Khloe’s show. This is about you.

The concept of a 'revenge' self-improvement defeats the meaning of growth. By seeking revenge through your appearance, you are still seeking validation from the very person who left you at your lowest. The issue with seeking validation from someone else is that there’s an evident deficiency in self-confidence. YOU are the root of the problem. Not your ex.

When you break up with someone, it is incredibly tempting to want to perform happiness, especially on social media. We want people from our past to know ‘I’m good without you’ - even if this isn’t true. What most of us fail to realise, is that as long as your ex still has access to your online activity, you are still leaving that window of judgement open for them. Funny enough, the best way to get your awesome self back, is to remove your ex from all your social media accounts - if possible, block them. That way, you won't have to worry about 'who' sees you. You won’t have to curate your life for someone else instead of to live it for yourself. You won’t have to post a picture of that cute Saturday night outfit with a that fake ‘I’m having the time of my life and I’ve never been happier’ caption (come on, we’ve all been there) in the hopes that they’ll see it, fall back in love with you and send you a message spelling out their suppressed, undying love for you. Honey, it won’t happen if you sit there waiting for it. You’ve got a whole life you need to live for yourself. This is the period for you to grow in your own time peacefully. It’s also vital to keep in mind that blocking an ex on social media isn't 'bitter'. It's self-care. This is your world. You are in FULL control of who is allowed to experience it with you.

It’s important to understand that as long as you're still seeking someone's validation through your 'revenge self-improvement, that person STILL has power over you. Using yourself as a weapon against someone else will only harm you. Because until that person validates your 'revenge body', you won't be satisfied with yourself. Nobody deserves such power over you.

The REAL post-breakup self-improvement begins with mentally de-shackling yourself from what once held power over you. We can’t be chasing success in the aims of irritating people from the past. It's empty. The aim is to flex on the inner voice that tells you that you aren't good enough. No self-improvement is valid until YOU are satisfied with YOURSELF. Until you free yourself from someone’s judgement, you will always belong to other people before you belong to yourself. It’s never too late to free yourself.

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HOW TO CANDYFLOSS DRESS

 

 

Shot by Johnny Fonseca

 

T-SHIRT: Beyond Retro

DRESS: Beyond Retro

JACKET: Beyond Retro

GLASSES: Beyond Retro

WIG: Miyi Hair

CHOKER: Mami Coco

CONVERSES: Converse x Comme Des Garçons - Dover Street Market

 

Shoutout to Johnny for being a hero and managing to finesse this look even though the wind was making several attempts to snatch my wig! In case you're wondering where I got these hair extensions from, they are from Miyi Hair who were kind enough to send your homegirl some bundles. 

I've reached a point in my life where I've finally understood the fact that you decide how much value is on your head. My refusal to leave behind a mediocre story is what drives me to continue pushing to create the change I want to see in this world where black girls are under-represented and if at all we do get representation, it mostly revolves around how 'angry' and 'aggressive' we are. We are not just our responses to oppression. Black girls are vibrant, rich in soul and graceful and it's time we start taking up space. The thing about space is that it's there to be filled so I've decided to become unapologetically loud, bold and vibrant as I grow through this space that promotes everything that I'm not: caucasian, pointy-nosed and privileged. My value lies in my voice and I have made the choice to be as vocal as I can about what's going on not only around me, but inside me too.

No matter who you are, how large your following is or how 'cool' other people think you are, your ideas are valid. In this life, you've got to really learn to speak like your voice DESERVES to be heard. Don't just mutter timidly in the back and hope someone catches what you're saying; place yourself in the front, rise up and stand firm in what you believe in. Your voice is valid. You may be ignored for a while but you know what, keep pushing. "Don't care for those who ignore you. Care about those who are ignoring others for you." My friend Nate taught me that as long as what you are expressing is coming from a truthful and honest place, someone out there in this world will relate to you - whether its 1 person or 100 people. Feeling understood is the most important thing as a creative person. 

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HOW TO RAINBOW PANTS

 

 

07.10.16

(Shot by Johnny Fonseca)

 

 

T-SHIRT: East End Thrift Store

PANTS: Beyond Retro LABEL 

BACKPACK: Beyond Retro LABEL 

SUNGLASSES: Bournemouth Pier
EARRINGS: Kay Davis 
CHOKER: Mami Coco

SHOES: Converse x Comme Des Garçons - DOVER STREET MARKET

HAIR: Kinky Straight - Miyi Hair (Wig made by Mother) 

 

New hair, new levels of self esteem, new sass! I've been looking for a new hairstyle for a while and came across Miyi Hair, who do really great hair extensions. I'm all about the hair drama and owning my space so of course a 20" closure combined with a 24" and x2 30" bundles would be killer! When brushed out, the hair looks VERY real. Only downside is that I often get a lot of interested people touching my hair without asking me. 

 

This is a very direct message to people who feel entitled to other people's space, especially white people: no matter how familiar you think you are, when you see a person of colour with hair that interests you, please do not touch their hair - especially without their permission. We are not fluffy animals. It is rude, dehumanising and shows a lack of respect for personal space. I promise: it is very possible to express your admiration without treating us like otherworldly creatures. As a person of colour who has spent my entire life holding back from snapping at self-entitled hair touchers, I have finally had enough. I'm sure you would feel the same way too if you constantly had strangers or even colleagues diving into your incredibly beautiful, silky, shiny, straight hair whilst firing questions at you about how you get it to lay so straight and smooth. You'd feel a little odd, wouldn't you? You'd feel a little disrespected by people invading your space without respecting you enough to ask you. No amount of 'banter' can displace respect for personal space. If you feel attacked by this message, it is time for you to relax, breathe and check your privilege because this is not an attack - this is me speaking on behalf of all the women of colour who have had to deal with daily micro-aggressions; who have had to hold back from reacting in order to avoid being painted as 'angry'; who have had to say 'yes' when asked 'can I touch your hair?' when really, they want to say 'no' but they don't want to create any tension in the workplace. If you have a black friend, why not actually just listen to their experience to UNDERSTAND, rather than listen to reply with a justification that only silences them? Your ignorance doesn't make you a 'bad person'. Your conscious lack of effort to rectify it does. 

 

Now, onto my rainbow pants and cute backpack! I got these really awesome pants from a really cool vintage store called Beyond Retro. If you haven't heard of it, they have stores in Shoreditch, Dalston, Soho and Brighton so if you would ever like a good old vintage spree, I would personally recommend it. Recently, I've been getting into sustainable clothing and came across Beyond Retro's LABEL range which is all hand-crafted entirely from reclaimed materials. I really love the idea of my clothes having their own stories; it creates a sense of sentimental value. Not only am I taking part in preserving the planet by reusing, I am also taking part in saving a lot of garments from going to landfill - 600,000 to be precise! As a vintage shopper, I really love having clothes that people can't really find anymore. It makes me feel like I've got something even more valuable. With Beyond Retro Label, because each item is completely unique, once you get it, it's gone! If you'd love to give the store a shot, I'd actually recommend the Shoreditch store (Cheshire Street) because I actually saw Alexa Chung come in and buy a few sparkly tops a couple weeks ago and apparently, Rihanna's visited this particular store too! *wink wink*

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